Jesus wrote to me today. He said he didn’t know I wanted a refund for my
unsatisfactory (to me) Starbucks green tea latte.

As you may or may not remember, I was revolted by the taste and caloric
content of Stabrucks’ green tea latte when I tried it for the first time a few
weeks ago. Being the scribe that I am, I wrote Starbucks an email expressing my
displeasure and requesting a refund.

I have contacted a corporate company only once before to relay my
dissatisfaction with its product. My sophomore year in college, I purchased my
first box of teeth whitening strips. The product was new on the market and it
was too soon to differentiate between brands to determine the most effective
strips. Naturally due to my caffeine addiction, I decided to not hold off as I
normally do when a product first hits the shelves. I needed glossy white teeth
as soon as possible to brighten my smile.

So, I went to K-Mart and got Rembrant’s whitening trays. I abhored them
immediately. They burned (more than normal) and my teeth and lips got all gummy
from the over-production of saliva my mouth was producing in an effort to try to
battle off the foreign object that had entered its realm. In return, the trays
disintegrated and were useless. I was supposed to withstand this for another 29
days? I think not. So, I pulled out my teddy bear notepad my mom had given me
for some occasion and handwrote Rembrant a feverishly letter expressing my
experience. They responded with a note of apology and a reimbursement check,
which I then used to pick up Crest Whitening Strips. I’ve never looked back.

This was a pleasant experience with a corporate entity that, in my opinion,
had excellent customer service and dealt with my situation with the upmost of
professionalism. So, six years later when I was again confronted with an overall
disgust for a company’s product, I didn’t think the result would be any
different. (note: In six years, I have only complained twice—and to corporate
companies only. I don’t complain over little things, such as when the bun on my
burger is burnt, because the overall item still meets some level of
satisfaction.)

So, imagine my surprise when Starbucks not only didn’t discuss the complaint
with me, but it also sends my request to the wrong department. Two weeks later
when I follow-up again with them, I am then told that the company didn’t know I
wanted a follow-up, even though I had clearly stated it in my original
correspondence.

“Hello Hannah,

Thank you for contacting Starbucks Coffee Company. According to your previous
email, you did not request follow up. Your concerns have been forwarded for
their review. If you have any further questions or concerns that I was unable to
address, please feel free to let me know.

Warm Regards,

Jesus P”

I don’t know about you all, but when Jesus says its in his hands, I’m
inclined to believe him. However, if I don’t hear back soon, I’m pulling out my
teddy bear notepad and writing to Mary and Joseph.